gavin says #1

So, Gavin's got this elephant that he just loves. I mean, loves. He basically doesn't go anywhere or do anything without this thing. Lately, he's been into treating Elephant like a baby. He asks us to put diapers on it and sometimes he even asks that we dress the thing. Being suckers for anything he asks of us so earnestly (think: big, big brown eyes above a mouth that says 'puh-weeeaze mommy'), we do it. Who wouldn't? ;)

This morning Gavin was proudly carrying around his 'baby' and I asked if I could hug it. He looked at it, then back at me, and said, "Noooo... but you can hug Gavin!" 

Cue the mommy puddle all over the floor. I just love that kid so much!

four years and counting...

So thankful for my life with this wonderful man. Here's to a lifetime of choosing each other!

dear gavin

The text below is from a blog entry I wrote to Gavin just ten day after he was first born. At the time, I clearly thought that writing without using proper capitalization was cool. ;) I adored him then and I adore him now. Hopefully one day he'll come across this and read my words for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

dear gavin,

today, you are ten days old.

it continues to be incredibly mind-blowing that just a week and a half ago, you were inside me. it's impossible to describe how it felt to be finally meeting you after months of feeling you grow, our only interaction being when you kicked or moved in my womb. the moment you were placed in my arms can only be described as pure joy. love. wonder.

in just ten days, you have changed so much. today i noticed you tracking -- i can move my hand back and forth above your eyes and you follow my waving fingers. it's amazing to watch. earlier today your umbilical cord came off... when i change you, it's so fun to see your cute little tummy button. :)

you look nothing like the infant you were last week. oh let's be real, you never really did look like an infant. you were born at a whopping 8 lbs and 10 oz and you were 21" long with a 15" head diameter. you were a bit of a challenge to push out, but oh man, are you ever worth it.

you are such an incredibly sweet and good natured baby, gav. you aren't fussy and you go down for naps and bedtimes with fair amounts of ease. i love your many facial expressions, but i have to admit that i have a favorite: you open your mouth wide like you're going to yawn and then you close your mouth until your lips form a perfect little O and you hold it there for a few seconds. it makes me melt every time i see it. i call it your monkey face and as a result, it's why i call you 'monkey'.

i feel so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be your mom. your daddy and i love you so very much -- we couldn't have fathomed just how much until we had you in our arms. as i'm writing this, we have you in our room and it's so fun hearing the little sounds you make in your sleep. sweet dreams, sweet baby. i'm already looking forward to tomorrow.

xoxo,
mommy

catching up and a dr's visit

One of the less pleasant things about having multiple (abandoned) blogs all over the interwebs is the overwhelming feeling that comes with the thought of consolidating it all. This is tres importante because I'm starting to forget all of the individual URLs that house my old entries and while it's true that I haven't so much as glanced in their direction in months (ahem, years) there's still some pretty good stuff out there.

It'll be dusty around here for  a small while. In addition to fighting with my HTML to get it to bend to my will (so far, it's an uphill battle) and trying to unify my fonts (for the love of love, why are there so few options and why are they all different in different views?), I will be merging some old stuff here and who knows how long that will take and how tedious that will be.

For now though, let's discuss Gavin's 3 year check up:

 

Here he is, fine and dandy, cooperating with the RN while she takes her stats. This, my friends, is not the same child who saw the pediatrician a mere 5 minutes later. No sir. I don't have a picture of that child because I was too busy holding him down (Gavin, not Dr. B. Just clarifying) with both arms. Apparently, toddlers remember exactly where they were the last time they were delivered a shot. Screams of: "I'm all done! NO DOCTOR!" could be heard all over the place. I was that mom. The one with the crazy, out of control child. Lord have mercy, we could not have been out of there fast enough and of course, the second we left, he was back to being our smile-y sunshine boy. Typical 3!

We learned, over the din of uncontrollable screaming and sobs, that Gavin is healthy and growing - albeit, a bit slowly. Poor little is only in the 25% for his height - but! - sitting heftily at 75% for his weight. Here's hoping for an extreme growth spurt during puberty. And maybe for a tiny dose of amnesia the next time we go in for a wellness check.

birthday!

my sweet boy turned 3 on saturday.
three.
one second ago, i was meeting him for the first time in the hospital.
i was exhausted. exhilarated. scared out of my mind. overjoyed.
then i blinked -
and here we are. celebrating three.


instead of a precious tiny baby with wrinkly toes and stinky hands
i now have a wormy, squirmy, curious toddler
who loves thomas and dinosaurs and cheese and juice.
when he's afraid of the dark, he asks us to pray.
he can sing every line of chris tomlin's
"our God is greater"
and takes special delight in singing the beats in the rhythmic bridge.


he can count to twenty and sings his abc's 
at the very very top of his lungs.
he loves his dog riley and his cat toby -
even if he does chase the cat with his buzz lightyear phaser gun.
;)


we rang in his third year with 
pancakes in pj's 
('in my pj's, mama? in my pj's?!')
a candyland themed birthday party
cake. so much cake!
and cookies in bed.


he is our pride and joy. the love of our lives.
it has been our special privilege to have been trusted with
his little life.
he is our most important responsibility
and our favorite little boy.


happy birthday, my gavin joshua. 
you are so loved.

blessed be the name

Sometimes I think that the idea that "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away - blessed be the name of the Lord" is mostly bleak. I instantly jump to the phrase 'takes away' and think, "Great. Now I have to come up with a way to have a good attitude when things get taken away from me. Grumble. Groan." but I don't stop to recognize that 'the Lord gives'. He also GIVES. I am not entitled to what I have. What I have (my health, my family, my home, etc.) are gifts from God. These are not things I have attained on my own power. My feelings of entitlement and pride need to be changed to gratitude and recognition of the one who gave these to me and that ultimately, they are His. That I would always say 'blessed be the name of the Lord' - no matter what, no matter the season, no matter the instance - is what I should strive for. 

the desert song

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the faith

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So fill my his promise ill stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and provence flow
I know I'm filled to be empties again
The seed I receive I will sow

----------------------

I deeply desire to have the ability to declare the goodness of God always. In good times, the praises flow freely. Of course, though. Isn't that how it always is? When things are much less positive and my outlook grows dark, the praises seem to dry up. "Bringing praise" in the bad isn't always easy as I am pessimistic by nature. Add that to my tendency to be a complete control freak and you have the recipe for a disaster. However, God is bigger than my circumstances and is worthy of more than just my plaintive and accusatory cries of "Why me? Why us?!" God is good and He is FOR me. We have His promise of faithfulness and only need to look at what He is done in the past in our lives to know that He is everpresent and will see us through. 

Thank you Lord, for Your faithfulness. And I thank You for Your grace and mercy that covers me when I fall short and wallow in self-pity and doubt. I need You today, Jesus. Go before me and help me guard my thoughts and actions as I continue this particular journey that You have set before me.