Our week at Eagle Crest

 ^ Armed with some new books from the library for the 2 hour car trip

 ^ We stopped in at a lake near the former Camp Davidson to find that they are now adamantly against the beheading of dogs - or is it beheaded dogs?

 ^ We arrived on Sunday afternoon and G voluntarily did all his homework so that he wouldn't have to work while he was on " 'cation."

 ^ These sweeties play together remarkably well despite being almost 5 years apart. Remarkably well, that is, until J singlehandedly destroys something G painstakingly worked on. It's character building.

 ^ The view from our windows and balconies. And the sunrises? Unbeatable.

 ^ This dapper little terrier had 2 brothers who were dressed equally as snazzy. (Funny story: B nearly commented to the shopkeeper on how festive the terriers were dressed for St. Patrick's Day. Fortunately, he caught himself before saying that out loud. (Wait for it - you'll get it in a minute...)

 ^ Swam for HOURS.

 ^ We loved visiting the High Desert Museum. Interesting, interactive, kid-friendly, moms-with-cameras-friendly.

 ^ Had to sneak in a few selfies to prove I was actually on this trip!

 ^ The Laura Ingalls Wilder fangirl in me fully geeked out in this little settler's village. This was designed after a 1904 sawmill and ranch, but everything about this little log cabin was very "Little House."

 ^ I have worked for WEEKS to capture this expression! When you give J something to eat that he really likes, you are rewarded with this perfectly funny little face.

 ^ We took G to ride a horse on morning.

 ^ A rare family picture!

 ^ Redmond does not hurt for views.

 ^ This little one got his backwards scooting action down while we were away...

 ... here he's fully backed up to the fireplace and can't quite figure out how to get unstuck.

 ^ B's mom came up for an overnight visit. We played Farkle, watched The Lego Movie, and went to Prineville to see my college choir in a concert while they were up here for their spring tour.

 ^ The morning of our last full day at Eagle Crest. Like I mentioned before, the sunrises from these front windows were spectacular. Also, it's always worth mentioning that finding B with one of the boys like this is not a rare thing. I hope one day they fully realize what a gift it is that he loves them as much as he does.

I have to admit, when B first brought up the idea of heading out of town for a week, I was a bit resistant. I know, who complains about going on vacation? But because of the speed at which everything feels like it has been moving over the last few months and because I get really tightly wound when I'm feeling pressure (people who have known me forever are nodding enthusiastically here...), I interpreted the suggestion of going out of town as: "oh good, just a few dozen more things to add to my to do list and then more that will need to be caught up on later." Clearly I have been teeming over with perspective and a spirit of thankfulness lately.

My response to B was met with, "Well, isn't this WHY we should be getting out of town?" And he was right. My tightly wound self needed a break, but I also needed to give my kids a break and heaven knows my hard-working, patient as a saint husband could use a respite from his work (and my crazy), so - we packed, cleaned house (because, yes, we were taking a break, but hello, I'm still me and don't lie, you probably clean house before you leave town, too), and then drove over the mountains to big-sky Redmond. The relaxing was almost instant. Not an exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, going away with two kids looks nothing like the do nothing vacations that are depicted in Sandals commercials, but the mere act of taking a break from our daily lives, from the dishes, cooking, laundry, endless emails, phone calls, work projects, meetings, from the lunch packing, the errands, the can't do that right now I'm busies to the kids (gulp.), from the bickering with your spouse that only happens when you're at the end of your rope and know you have to do it ALL over again tomorrow, from the guilt that comes from knowing you need to put something off again because there just isn't enough of you and hasn't been for awhile, and on and on and on? So very much needed. 

Getting away away was good and restorative. It was unplugged (although, not entirely by choice. The place we stayed at had wireless speeds UP TO 2 mbps and the wifi was not compatible with Apple products. Yes, you read that right, but fear not, we lived. Our survival tips will be front page news tomorrow. {Kidding.}). There was reading and talking. We played games, took walks, rode bikes, went swimming. We sat in front of the fireplace and drew. We didn't get out of our pjs until almost noon some days.  There were long baths and horseback rides and taking in new towns. There was family time in spades and not any can't-do-that-right-now-I'm-busy (WIN!). There was space to breathe. It was a really, really good week.

the beginning of park season

Slowly but surely the days are warming up, lengthening in daylight, and showing ever more signs of summer coming just around the corner. Today warmed up to the mid-60s and with the afternoon came bright blue skies - a beautiful spring day, perfect for spending some time at the park.

Actually, our going to the park came about from a surprise request from Gavin. As bold and energetic as he is, he is surprisingly not daring. Case in point: he took a pretty nasty fall off of his bike last summer and has yet to get back on it (I'm pretty sure I'm not above complete bribery to get him back on it at this point. I'm thinking a one-two combo of the promise of candy and a new Transformer toy. Can't lose.). So when today he said, "Can we go to the skate park so I can ride my scooter on the ramps?" I blinked in surprise and then basically threw him and Judah in the car before Gavin could change his mind about this sudden daring-for-him request. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching him somehow become a ten-year-old before my eyes. There was also a lot of hovering-while-trying-not-to-be-smothering (because, hello, high schoolers on skate boards are huge! and fast!). Also, there was lots of trying to both encourage his endeavors and not psych him out of rolling down a ramp on two wheels and a board (in my head, though? "Aaagggh!") While Gavin was shredding on the ramps (and after I'd stopped holding my breath), Judah, B, and I hung out and babbled to each other (well, Judah and I babbled - Brent tries to stick to real words in public) before taking a turn on the swings. Crazy internal conversations with myself aside, I  live for these kinds of days.

I want to remember...

-that Gavin holds my hand. He holds it in the car (I reach back from the front seat), while sitting next to me on the couch, at the breakfast bar, anywhere. He reaches for my hand, he initiates the hand holding. He likes to intertwine his fingers in mine and I love it every time 

-that when I come through the door after being gone or being apart from him, he runs to me. Drops everything, hollers "MOMMY'S HERE!!!" at the top of his little boy lungs, and runs as fast as his legs can carry him to launch up into my arms. It won't be long before he's too big to swoop up so every time, literally every time, I see him do this, I stop and really pay attention. 

-that his favorite place to snuggle is smack dab between me and B. And that he usually maneuvers between us because he wants me to himself and away from his daddy. :) 

-that he sings. SINGS. He loves music and really has a knack for rhythm and can hear pitches and keys perfectly. 

-that his little blue elephant is still his best friend.

-that he looks like a doll baby sleeping in bed with the well-loved stuffed animals from my and Brent's childhood.

-that he laughs from deep within his belly. He laughs easily and often and it's a wonderful sound.
-that he has the most perfect skin in the world. Smooth, unblemished, and still as soft as when he was baby. 
I'm sentimental today. Actually, sentimental often lately. We're welcoming a new baby in July and while we are ecstatic about this, over the moon and overjoyed really, it means that Gavin is growing. And so very quickly. He'll be 5 in November and magically caught between being baby and being little boy with the baby in him moving past faster and faster every day it seems. It overwhelms me how much I love him and how much it almost makes me feel sad to see my baby grow. The funny emotional tensions that come with being a mommy, I guess...

a pumpkin patch field trip

pumpkin patch field trip to detering orchards

perfectly perfect foggy and cold autumn morning

apples and cider and pumpkins, oh my!

summer

summer has certainly been far from expected, weather-wise, here in the pacific northwest, but despite gloomy mornings and cooler than desirable temperatures, we still find that the grey melts into warm afternoons and that the sun eventually stops pressing 'snooze' on its alarm clock to make an appearance for the rest of the afternoon and evening. 

i've been short on time for blogging and wish that i'd kept up with it these past months as we've done our best to fill the summer days with adventures - but alas. even the most well intentioned...

 going into summer, i was worried that gavin wouldn't enjoy his at all. that because brent and i are gone during the day, that he'd be short on activities and shorter still on time with us. God is faithful to hear our desire that we be home more than ever during this short season and our schedules have been allowed to adjust. this makes for late-start mornings, my slowly sipping coffee while G has breakfast, and when i'm not working from home, i AM home by 4 to make the most of the longer and warmer days. for some, this might be trivial, but for me, it's everything. God is good.

i had so much more to write, but brent literally just called from the living room, "hey, want to go to the scandinavian festival?" it's friday at 1:35 pm and he's home, too. i told you. we are home and free to do things like get up and go to scandi-fest. i am thankful. :)

more later. xo.

so glad

Being a working mom is difficult for me. I wonder, constantly, if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm somehow ruining something that can't be reversed because I'm not home all the time with Gavin. I know that what I do now is necessary and believe that God sees the desires of our heart and above nearly everything else, I desire that Gavin be allowed to grow and thrive surrounded by people who love him unconditionally and want all good things for him. These days, I'm not home with him all day, every day - but I do know that he's just not well cared for when I'm not there... he is loved. And that does my mama-heart an immeasurable amount of good.


When afternoon comes and I finally get to pick him up, we can't get enough of each other. He sits in my lap (sometimes, I drop everything in the entryway and we sit next to the front door) and tells me - words rushing, falling, and tripping over each other - all about his day, his friends, his new songs, and describes new whimsies no one can identify. This is one of my favorite times of the day: smelling sunshine in his hair and my heart soaring on the excitement of his words.


Yesterday, while we were driving home, his little voice piped up from the backseat: "I'm SO glad you're with me, mommy!" I wish there was a way for him to know that I feel just the same about him, too.

morning joy

Some mornings, Brent, Gavin, and I pile on the couch and just hold hands. Gavin always sits in the middle and as we are watching the news/drinking coffee/checking emails - you know, morning whatevers - he reaches to his left and to his  right, grabs our hands, and intertwines his fingers in ours. 

We, of course, stop everything and exchange a look over his head that wordlessly gushes over how precious we think our boy is. And as the minutes tick by, none of us move. Late for work, late for school - no one cares. We are lost in a bubble of early morning family joy and never are we in a rush to see it end.

gavin says #2

Just a few of the funniest things that have come from Gavin's mouth:

Gavin (walking around dejectedly): "I'm not happy."

Me: Well, what would make you happy?

Gavin: "Christmas."

Then he heaved a big, ol' sigh.

Lately Gavin's had a thing for pretending he's different animals. His most favorite ones to pretend to be are puppies and kitties. I can't even call him by his name when he's in animal mode. He crawls around the house on all fours while meowing or yipping away and likes to be "caught" and flipped on his back so we can rub his tummy. My funny boy.

While singing "Wheels on the Bus", during the part about the signal lights ticking, Gavin opens and shuts his palms while *tsk-ing his tongue. I love it and make him sing that part over and over again.

This past November, I braved the sock-loving crowds at Fred Meyer and came home with some footed pjs (for $4 a piece. a steal!) for Gavin. He's been really into wearing his Buzz Lightyear ones lately and one day, out of the blue, said "Look at me!", touched one of the buttons on his top, made a "boop!" noise, and stuck his arms straight out from his sides. His  wings! 

Last week, Brent picked up Gavin from preschool and his teacher gave this report: "Gavin got his hair pulled by someone today - but then he put someone else riding a trike in a headlock." That's my boy.

Preschool

Gavin started preschool this week. Whaaaat? I know!


The verdict is: he totally loves it! (Shocker, I know, but still!)


Funny story: for two months (at least) I have thought that Gavin started school on Thursday, January 5. I don't know how I got that specific day in my head, but I was convinced of it. Well, the night before the 3rd, while we had people at our house to watch the Super Bowl, it suddenly occurred to me that there was a small, tiny chance that Gavin could start school the next day (Tuesday) instead of Thursday. I got on the phone with the school's principal and just casually asked when the first day of spring term was - fully expecting her to say Thursday, just like I had always been planning.


Um, no.


She said school started the next day! She actually said, "School starts at 9, the doors open at 8:50. Will we see you there?" I cooly laughed (inside, though, I was dying...), said "Of course!", hung up and panicked. Just like that, the extra 48 hours I thought I had to plan outfits and shop for school supplies was just gone. To make it that much worse, we had people at our house and I couldn't fly out the door like I wanted to!


I restlessly sat through the last quarter and a half of the Duck game, cheered for their victory, bade my guests goodbye, grabbed my purse and supply list, booked it out the door, flew to two different stores, and feverishly snapped things up. Oh, and I might've called a girlfriend from college who currently teaches preschool to 'talk me off the ledge' (as I call it). I was already feeling major butterflies. =/


All of this to say, yes, come Tuesday morning, we had everything we needed, Gavin was woken up on time, and we sailed in to the school doors right at 8:50 AM.


(Ha - don't let the 'collected' tone of the last paragraph fool you, I was a wreck that morning. Ask B. I tried to internalize it as best as I could, but you can't blame a mama for being emotional! I will say, though, that one of my proudest moments of the day was that we made it without tears from anyone! Success!)


My boy is loving being in preschool. He's making friends and learning so much. I know it sounds so 'my kid is so awesome" to say this next thing - but, really, Brent and I already see differences in his speech, word usage, and sentence construction. He is happy and because of it, we are thrilled and feel so fortunate that he is in a school we all love so much!

Me and G - all smiles at drop off! :)

gavin says #1

So, Gavin's got this elephant that he just loves. I mean, loves. He basically doesn't go anywhere or do anything without this thing. Lately, he's been into treating Elephant like a baby. He asks us to put diapers on it and sometimes he even asks that we dress the thing. Being suckers for anything he asks of us so earnestly (think: big, big brown eyes above a mouth that says 'puh-weeeaze mommy'), we do it. Who wouldn't? ;)

This morning Gavin was proudly carrying around his 'baby' and I asked if I could hug it. He looked at it, then back at me, and said, "Noooo... but you can hug Gavin!" 

Cue the mommy puddle all over the floor. I just love that kid so much!

four years and counting...

So thankful for my life with this wonderful man. Here's to a lifetime of choosing each other!

dear gavin

The text below is from a blog entry I wrote to Gavin just ten day after he was first born. At the time, I clearly thought that writing without using proper capitalization was cool. ;) I adored him then and I adore him now. Hopefully one day he'll come across this and read my words for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

dear gavin,

today, you are ten days old.

it continues to be incredibly mind-blowing that just a week and a half ago, you were inside me. it's impossible to describe how it felt to be finally meeting you after months of feeling you grow, our only interaction being when you kicked or moved in my womb. the moment you were placed in my arms can only be described as pure joy. love. wonder.

in just ten days, you have changed so much. today i noticed you tracking -- i can move my hand back and forth above your eyes and you follow my waving fingers. it's amazing to watch. earlier today your umbilical cord came off... when i change you, it's so fun to see your cute little tummy button. :)

you look nothing like the infant you were last week. oh let's be real, you never really did look like an infant. you were born at a whopping 8 lbs and 10 oz and you were 21" long with a 15" head diameter. you were a bit of a challenge to push out, but oh man, are you ever worth it.

you are such an incredibly sweet and good natured baby, gav. you aren't fussy and you go down for naps and bedtimes with fair amounts of ease. i love your many facial expressions, but i have to admit that i have a favorite: you open your mouth wide like you're going to yawn and then you close your mouth until your lips form a perfect little O and you hold it there for a few seconds. it makes me melt every time i see it. i call it your monkey face and as a result, it's why i call you 'monkey'.

i feel so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be your mom. your daddy and i love you so very much -- we couldn't have fathomed just how much until we had you in our arms. as i'm writing this, we have you in our room and it's so fun hearing the little sounds you make in your sleep. sweet dreams, sweet baby. i'm already looking forward to tomorrow.

xoxo,
mommy

catching up and a dr's visit

One of the less pleasant things about having multiple (abandoned) blogs all over the interwebs is the overwhelming feeling that comes with the thought of consolidating it all. This is tres importante because I'm starting to forget all of the individual URLs that house my old entries and while it's true that I haven't so much as glanced in their direction in months (ahem, years) there's still some pretty good stuff out there.

It'll be dusty around here for  a small while. In addition to fighting with my HTML to get it to bend to my will (so far, it's an uphill battle) and trying to unify my fonts (for the love of love, why are there so few options and why are they all different in different views?), I will be merging some old stuff here and who knows how long that will take and how tedious that will be.

For now though, let's discuss Gavin's 3 year check up:

 

Here he is, fine and dandy, cooperating with the RN while she takes her stats. This, my friends, is not the same child who saw the pediatrician a mere 5 minutes later. No sir. I don't have a picture of that child because I was too busy holding him down (Gavin, not Dr. B. Just clarifying) with both arms. Apparently, toddlers remember exactly where they were the last time they were delivered a shot. Screams of: "I'm all done! NO DOCTOR!" could be heard all over the place. I was that mom. The one with the crazy, out of control child. Lord have mercy, we could not have been out of there fast enough and of course, the second we left, he was back to being our smile-y sunshine boy. Typical 3!

We learned, over the din of uncontrollable screaming and sobs, that Gavin is healthy and growing - albeit, a bit slowly. Poor little is only in the 25% for his height - but! - sitting heftily at 75% for his weight. Here's hoping for an extreme growth spurt during puberty. And maybe for a tiny dose of amnesia the next time we go in for a wellness check.

birthday!

my sweet boy turned 3 on saturday.
three.
one second ago, i was meeting him for the first time in the hospital.
i was exhausted. exhilarated. scared out of my mind. overjoyed.
then i blinked -
and here we are. celebrating three.


instead of a precious tiny baby with wrinkly toes and stinky hands
i now have a wormy, squirmy, curious toddler
who loves thomas and dinosaurs and cheese and juice.
when he's afraid of the dark, he asks us to pray.
he can sing every line of chris tomlin's
"our God is greater"
and takes special delight in singing the beats in the rhythmic bridge.


he can count to twenty and sings his abc's 
at the very very top of his lungs.
he loves his dog riley and his cat toby -
even if he does chase the cat with his buzz lightyear phaser gun.
;)


we rang in his third year with 
pancakes in pj's 
('in my pj's, mama? in my pj's?!')
a candyland themed birthday party
cake. so much cake!
and cookies in bed.


he is our pride and joy. the love of our lives.
it has been our special privilege to have been trusted with
his little life.
he is our most important responsibility
and our favorite little boy.


happy birthday, my gavin joshua. 
you are so loved.

blessed be the name

Sometimes I think that the idea that "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away - blessed be the name of the Lord" is mostly bleak. I instantly jump to the phrase 'takes away' and think, "Great. Now I have to come up with a way to have a good attitude when things get taken away from me. Grumble. Groan." but I don't stop to recognize that 'the Lord gives'. He also GIVES. I am not entitled to what I have. What I have (my health, my family, my home, etc.) are gifts from God. These are not things I have attained on my own power. My feelings of entitlement and pride need to be changed to gratitude and recognition of the one who gave these to me and that ultimately, they are His. That I would always say 'blessed be the name of the Lord' - no matter what, no matter the season, no matter the instance - is what I should strive for. 

the desert song

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the faith

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So fill my his promise ill stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and provence flow
I know I'm filled to be empties again
The seed I receive I will sow

----------------------

I deeply desire to have the ability to declare the goodness of God always. In good times, the praises flow freely. Of course, though. Isn't that how it always is? When things are much less positive and my outlook grows dark, the praises seem to dry up. "Bringing praise" in the bad isn't always easy as I am pessimistic by nature. Add that to my tendency to be a complete control freak and you have the recipe for a disaster. However, God is bigger than my circumstances and is worthy of more than just my plaintive and accusatory cries of "Why me? Why us?!" God is good and He is FOR me. We have His promise of faithfulness and only need to look at what He is done in the past in our lives to know that He is everpresent and will see us through. 

Thank you Lord, for Your faithfulness. And I thank You for Your grace and mercy that covers me when I fall short and wallow in self-pity and doubt. I need You today, Jesus. Go before me and help me guard my thoughts and actions as I continue this particular journey that You have set before me.